


What An Asshole

by brainlessomniscent



Category: Homestuck
Genre: ALL OF IT, ALL THE ROMANCE, Cuddly Karkat, Karkat Swearing, Other, Red Romance, Television Watching, The Princess Bride References, You're stupid, quadrants, reader - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-18
Updated: 2016-10-18
Packaged: 2018-08-23 04:26:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8313934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brainlessomniscent/pseuds/brainlessomniscent
Summary: Karkat is a stubborn jackass, rants a lot, bluh bluh boo hoo but he's cool and y'all friends so.  You watch some rom-coms together.  May the obvious romance blooming commence.This is written vaguely for whatever kind of reader you are :)





	

**Author's Note:**

> So a blurb I posted elsewhere and just editted a tiny bit. Maybe more work in progress? I think I'll edit my other garbage as more defined in itself. But anyways.

Karkat. Vantas. Just his name makes you cringe and laugh and sigh...

Hey, no wrong ideas, he's a good friend. A great friend! He just tends to be a little bit... high strung.

Like that one time you guys were watching one of his stupid rom coms. You giggled at how dramatic it was when the cerulean blooded troll swept the aquamarine blood into his arms, how the aquamarine cried softly as they wrapped themselves into a sweet kiss...

"Ha!" you snorted. " It's so cheesy, and dramatic, I can't even-"

"HEY!" he growled. "THIS ROMANCE IS *THE* FUCKING SHIT. YOU NEED TO GET BETTER TASTE IN MOVIES IF YOU WANT TO KEEP UP WITH ME." He then had proceeded to have a patented Karkat rant about why the movie was the "fucking shit". You learned from that moment on to be cautious with your comments, just in case you didn't want to be lectured by a grouchy troll for another 6 minutes.

Still, even when he lectured you on the finer points of troll romance you'd heard a thousand times, you simultaneously wanted to stifle his large mouth and swell with giddiness for his silly antics. It would not be incorrect to say you were fond of your tense little troll. As you remind yourself constantly, he really is a sweetheart! 

In fact, he was even willing to give movie night another go. You two have spent a lot of time together recently, but since "In-Which-An-Aquamarine-Blood-and-a-Blue-Blood-Fall-Drastically-Black, and-a-Cerulean-Blood-Intercedes-In-Order-To-Prevent-the-Aquamarine-Blood-From-Falling-Out-of-Kismesitude-With-a-Teal-Blood-"- er, since the "shouty, ranty Karkat episode over bad romances"- he had refused to watch anymore movies with you. But tonight he conceded to watch another rom com over you kicking his ass again in multiplayer of troll Civilization V. 

"I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU RUIN THIS AGAIN, I WILL RAM A KNIFE SO DULL IT MAKES MY HORNS LOOKS SHARP INTO YOUR DORSAL POLE UNTIL IT SNAPS IN HALF AND YOU FALL TO PIECES." You sigh, but inwardly crack up at his hissy tantrum. Karkat was just so fucking cute, you couldn't handle it!

"Karkat, if you try, I swear to god, I will use this pen to draw male human bulge on your face before ramming it down your throat. So shut the fuck up before you force my hand." You take a pen from your sylladex and flick it at his cheek. You couldn't quite stop the tiny smile forming on your face as he grumbles and settles down on the couch. He gripes about how dangerous he was, and how easily he could beat you, and his theoretical versions of victory as you set the movie up on his husktop. Okay, now he REALLY needed to shut up.

"Karkat, sh!" you shoosh him as you curl up, leaning against his shoulder. It was actually quite cozy. He was sort of lean, his shoulder cozy enough. Just for movie night, you had alchemized a spare towel with one of Terezi's plushies to create the LEMONSNOUT BLANKET. Karkat was a bit confused but you just shrugged and draped it over him. He was wrapped in it now, which was all fuzzy against your cheek. You grin and nuzzle cheerfully at the fuzz when the credits start.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?"

"I'm just getting cozy, Karkat."

"WELL CAN YOU STOP? IT'S SORT OF DISTRACTING AND I'M TRYING TO WATCH... WELL, WHATEVER THE HELL THIS IS."

"... Karkat have you never seen this?"

"UH, NO?" Surprised, you sit up and look at him.

"Karkat Vantas, romance extraordinaire has never seen the best action-romance in history? No R.O.U.S's? No six-fingered man? No Dread Pirate?" He shakes his head grimly. "Inconceivable!" You smirk as he scowls down at you.

"OKAY, VERY FUNNY WISE GUY. THATS RIGHT, I'VE NEVER EVEN HEARD OF THIS BEFORE AND THAT MAKES ME THE LOSER. QUADRANT MASTER VANTAS FAILS AGAIN, WHAT A BIG SURPRISE. NOW, IF YOU REALLY WANT ME TO WATCH THIS, YOU NEED TO SHUT UP SO I CAN EVEN HEAR WHAT THESE GRUBTARDS ARE SAYING. GOT IT?"

You smile softly and nod your head before cuddling against his shoulder once more. He sighs and bumps his chin against your head before focussing in once more.

 

By the time the green blood soon-to-be-flush-paired-to-royal-purple and the secretly rust-blooded treacherous-dread-pirate reunite, Karkat is smiling faintly, yet contently and leaning over your legs, which have been tossed over him so you could stretch out across the couch. He's gotten used to it by now, having known your policy of "get used to it or leave" pretty much since you met. You sigh happily and stretch a bit.

"Good so far?"

"YEAH." He smiles fondly at you and your chest tightens slightly, pleased by his reaction. "IT'S ACTUALLY GOT A LOT OF GOOD DISPLAY OF QUADRANTS. I REALLY LIKED THE PALE DISPLAY BETWEEN THOSE ENEMIES, TOO..."

"Heh yeah." You slump onto the ground slowly and sit yourself next to his leg, leaning on it. "Fezzik and Ineego come back," you promise. "They actually become allies and stuff, but a little later." He nods and looks at you.

"IT'S PRETTY GOOD." he admits. "COULD USE A BIT OF BLACK, BUT I LIKE THE STRIFING AS WELL. IT MAKES IT MORE REALISTIC."

"Yeah," you agree and lean closer to him. Suddenly, he seems very close. You can smell him, feel his warmth and see his eyes clearly, even with the dim light from his husktop. You could almost kiss him if you wanted to...

And then he pulls away, moving his attention back to the screen once more. You tilt your head, puzzled by your own thoughts. Really, this is Karkat! you chide yourself. The aggressive, strangely private troll that has never been extraordinary to you. You shake your head, confused by the sudden urge to confess pitying him. You refocus on the movie, now watching the green blood sacrifice herself to protect her pirate matesprit. The pair are torn apart by dratted aristocracy, and he scowls. 

"REMINDS ME OF ERIDAN, THE POMPOUS ASSHOLE."

You smirk. "Hey, he was just lonely. At least he didn't do it for a pretty matesprit."

"NO, INSTEAD HE DID ANYTHING JUST TO HAVE SOMEONE."

"Exactly, sad." You nod in agreement with yourself and distract him before he could argue back. "What would you do if someone just rode to you on hoofbeast back and declared red ties to you?"

"FREEZE." He answers. "AND THEY'D PROBABLY END UP WITH A SICKLE IN THEIR FOOD ORGAN." You laugh and roll to your knees, propping your chin on an elbow.

"Oh yeah?" You tilt your head. "What about me?"

"YOU'D STILL GET THE BLADE." You giggle, amused at his certainty of deadliness. 

"Oh yeaaaaah?" you giggle and sing. What the hell are you doing? "Well Karkat, I have a confession to make..." Oh my gog, what the fuck are you doing, reader?!

You lift yourself up to his height, face slightly flushed and hug him tightly. "Kaaaaarkat, I pity you!" You croon, giggling while imagining his face. "I pity you more than anyone in this universe or the next!" He flushes faintly red and grabs your waist, trying to push you away.

"WHAT THE FUCK-"

"Noooo, Karkat don't push me away! I'm admitting! Red feelings! For YOU, Karkat!" You laugh and shimmy your way up and fall on top of him awkwardly as he leans backwards. "Karkat, honey, I'm flushed for you, are you going to stab me now?"

"GET OFF ME, NOW YOU LITTLE GRUB SHIT!" He's glaring at you, flushing a deeper shade now, and his hands are gripping your hips tightly. He tries leaning back further, and continues to fight you, but his legs are trapped in the silly blanket and he can't fight you very well. Eager to embarrass him, you lean in closer.

"Oh, but Karkles, I'm swooning, I don't have the strength anymore!" you giggle and all of a sudden he scoots too far, slips off the couch, and you jolt down, still in his lap. This really isn't funny, but you feel funny, and giggly, so you burst into outrageous laughter and he blushes redder than ever. Man, is that even a shade on the hemospectrum?

Anyway, it doesn't matter, you're still laughing and he's cursing, and you find it adorable, but annoying. You want him to stop, so logically, the best way to do that is swoop down aaaaand-

Oh shit. You're suddenly kissing him. You're eyes fly open in shock, just as his flutter down and he's kissing you back. He moans softly and instead of pushing, he now tugs you closer. His lips are soft, his mouth warm and you lean in, welcoming the angry boy to a very sweet kiss. He's beautiful like this, cheeks red, eye lids soft rather than scrunched for his usual scowl, and though the view is gorgeous, your eyes close as you begin to kiss him more firmly. 

You grow dizzy and pull away, breathing deeply due to the sudden change of atmosphere. When did it get so quiet? The movie sounds very distant...

"Kar... kat?" you lengthen his name, suddenly frightened. Oh god, what did you do?! Finally reader, get it in your think pan that you're an idiot! Too late.

His eyes open slowly and widely. Astonished, he strokes your cheek softly, curving his fingers and running them over your cheek.

"HM?" He sighs quietly and tilts your chin up slightly. "SORRY, YEAH?"

Your eyes become lidded and your heart swells. You breath out: "You're..." beautiful? Amazing? Wonderful? "... an asshole." ... *facepalm*.

He grimaces at you before smiling tightly. "YEAH, I KNOW." You blush and turn your face away.

"... Will you be my matesprit?" The question hangs in the air. Your eyes clench but before you could take the question back he buries his head into your shoulder.

"yhskdn."

"... What?"

"I SAID YES, GRUBTARD, DON'T MAKE ME FUCKING REGRET IT." He's blushing again, but with a soft glow. You smile openly and kiss his forehead.

"I'm flushed for you."

He looks up and looks you straight in the eye. "I'M FLUSHED FOR YOU, TOO." He kisses you softly. "AND NOW I'VE MISSED THE END OF THE MOVIE." You grin as he rolls his eyes. "SO WHAT HAPPENS?"

"They all live happily ever after."


End file.
